What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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