Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
