Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
