She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
