I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
