I didn't shave. On purpose
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
