I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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