i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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