she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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