I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
