this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
