Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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