We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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