i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
