I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
