She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I touched a dick in church today
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
