shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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