I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
