He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
