You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
