So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
