yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
