Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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