I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
