There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
