we have pet lesbian snakes
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
