he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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