i was born a porn star she said
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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