Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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