Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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