I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
