If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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