I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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