i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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