You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
