I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
