I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
