Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
