My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
