yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
