I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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