You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
