and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
