Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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