I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
