I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
