Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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