so that wasnt chicken after all
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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