im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
