Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize