well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
