Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
