are you still at the devil's house?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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