it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think i have herpe
just one?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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