My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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