why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
