I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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