Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
