So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
