apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
