thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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