Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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