this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
