this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
