but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
