So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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