hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize