If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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