Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
