It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
