I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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