i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
