Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
