So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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