NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
