i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
