i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
